Archive for December, 2010
Have a great summer
With school out soon, parents either feel two things. 1)”Wow, I can’t wait to spend more time with my kids!” or 2)”Oh, boy, here we go. How will we fill their time?”
Parents who work outside the home have no choice but to send their kids to camps or daycares during the the day, but stay-at-home moms or dads need to get creative. If you need some ideas on how best to occupy your kids this summer then what follows will be just what you need.
In order for children to be happy and content four things need to be present in their day:
1) Routine
2) Stimulation
3) Free Play/Alone time
4) Sleep
How do we structure their days so that all four requirements are met? The following is what a typical day could look like:
8 am Kids wake up (or 9 am)
Eat a healthy breakfast
Have free time to play, watch a good quality children’s program (no fighting, violence, or quick flashing images) for a half hour or hour
Learn how to make or bake something with mommy or daddy. This can be a craft or a baked good.
Eat a healthy lunch
Put them down for a nap or if older, take them outside to:
a) a playground
b) a friends house (this way you can have a tea or coffee with another adult while the kids play!)
c) a play gym
d) walk somewhere (grocery store, post office, ice cream store)
e) take pictures of nature with a disposable or digital camera (Children love this! Give them a
brief lesson on how to focus on an object etc. then let them be creative with whatever they
want to capture) Make these pictures part of another day’s craft activity!
f) kick around a ball together
g) walk in the countryside
h) go to a museum
i) go to the zoo
j) send the kids on a scavenger hunt and after they find everything they can enjoy a homemade
popsicle or ice cream!
k) go to grandma and grandpa’s house
l) play catch
m) meet the working parent for his or her coffee break (how nice to visit them during the day for a
short coffee, tea, lemonade or chocolate milk!)
n) weed the garden or grass (believe it or not, some kids really like doing this! Put on some good
music and have an enjoyable time together)
o) take care of the garden plants by watering them, picking off dead leaves etc.
p) wash the car with buckets of soapy water, sponges and shammy cloths
q) turn on the sprinkler(s) and let the kids run through the water (you can either join in or read a
good book while they play)
Come home and let the children have some “Alone Time” (for you as well!)
Eat a healthy dinner
Spend some quality family time together
To bed no later than 9:00pm for younger children and 10pm for older children.
Voila! A perfect day that is routined and stimulating yet has plenty of free play and sleep.
Erin Kurt is currently the president of Erin Parenting, a company devoted to empowering parents with the tools, training and support they need to create the family life they truly want. She is also the author of Juggling Family Life. To learn more about her book and to sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit her site at http://erinparenting.com/
I had to become an expert on the subject of parenting and combine that with the discipline of karate if I was ever going to get kids and their parents to the black belt level.Grab A Copy Click here. Okay, this may seem a little extreme. … Looking Back on a Year of Parenting – NYTimes.com â??The events of those months definitely affected our parenting,â? Amy says. â??I’m less patient when Julianna wants to explore the world by putting things in her mouth. I wash her hands so often, I get annoyed looks from other mothers on … A Year of Parenting, 2 – NYTimes.com You gave readers advice. Even when it surprised them, they heard you. While this is basically true there are other issues. Parenting Lessons from Toddlers and Tiaras â?? Zelda Lily, Feminism … I know that we have discussed this show before on ZL, but in watching the show today, I was thinking about the parenting skills highlighted by the show, and I thought it may be interesting to discuss that further. …How to burb your kiddo
How long to wait before getting pregnant again
The difference between my eldest and youngest is 18 years, however, it is not this difference in age between the youngest and eldest children that causes much of an issue, it is more so the difference in age between each individual child.
Starting from my eldest to the youngest the difference in age between children goes a little something like this:
Number 1 – Number 2 = 23 months
Number 2 – Number 3 = 14 months
Number 3 – Number 4 = 3 years, 8 months
Number 4 – Number 5 = 17 months
Number 5 – Number 6 = 23 months
Number 6 – Number 7 = 20 months
Number 7 – Number 8 = 20 months
Number 8 – Number 9 = 20 months (is there a pattern forming here ;P)
Number 9 – Number 10 = 21 months
Number 10 – Number 11 = 11 months
From the numbers above I’d have to say that the ideal difference in age between children most definitely goes to the 20-23 month period. This time gap ensured I had a full recovery from the previous pregnancy and I was able to get a consistent routine between children. By the time I found myself pregnant again I was fully able to dedicate myself to the newborn and the transition into the family was made extremely easy, this also enabled us to still provide a lot of quality time to previous children, especially the child preceding the newborn without creating any unwanted sibling rivalry or jealousy.
At 20-23 months most children are learning their own independence and although this is usually an introduction to the terrible two’s I can confidently say that this did not create too much drama for our household. All in all I favour this difference in age between children purely for the fact that there is not too much of a gap where children find communicating or playing with each other somewhat difficult, there are still moments of growth that they are able to share, experience and discover with other siblings.
Having detailed the easier spacing to deal with between children, the not so difficult but not so easy range would have to be 14-17 months. At this stage patience can be a little strained but with the tried and true routine I still believe this age gap is manageable. 14-17 months usually indicates the end to bottles and an introduction to the toddler years where walking leads to running and the discovery of one’s other senses through increased mobility. This can be a trying age when your 14-17 month doesn’t quite comprehend all instructions as adequately as an almost 2 year old, especially when you are trying to feed your newborn child.
I suggest that if your toddler is awake during feeding times for your newborn that you sit them down quietly beside you to share some reading time, have them turn the pages while you read the pages or even make up a playful story as the pages are flicked in the “no set order” that your toddler will assume or engage them in blocks or creative hand play where you can comment on the activities at hand while you continue to concentrate on providing a relaxed feeding time for baby. Enjoy the moments as much as possible and try to include your 14-17 month old in the daily routine of your newborn so there is a sense of belonging and role of importance for your toddler.
I also need to touch on the more than 3 year gap. I also have a 3 year gap between my older sister and I and I believe this difference in age between children may be hard to gauge. From experience the age gap was very challenging for me, I felt as if I always wanted to do what my older sister was doing but felt restrained due to being 3 years her junior. However the contrast I have with my own children is that my daughter is 3 years older than her brother and this doesn’t seem to have been a major issue, so I guess the gender of your child can play a major part in the difference in age between children.
At the complete other end of the spectrum is the less than 12 month period. I strongly believe that had I had an 11 month period between any of my other births, I may not have had so many children. The 11 month period between my number 10 and 11 was extremely difficult. Keeping in mind that I have a wealth of knowledge, tips and tricks from 10 previous children, we were not prepared for the 11 month gap. It came as quite a surprise as we had always wanted twins or a multiple birth but after having Troy (number 10) and Tiana (number 11) we have a new respect for parents of multiple births.
It almost became a daily struggle where both babies needed the same if not exact attention and time. Initially it was slightly easier to cope with until I returned to work when Tiana was 3 months old but this left Ieremia holding both babies and I know he has some stories to share with you all. From my experience the 11 month and under gap is extreme and possibly not something I would recommend unless of course you had alot of support from your partner or family during the first 18 months.
When all is said and done I believe that there are many contributing factors to whether there is an ideal difference in age between children but based on experience I would have to stick to the 20 month and above gap.
For more on the trials and tribulations of our family … where there’s never a dull moment and we share our experiences in raising children and welcome your queries and feedback, please feel free to visit http://www.4my11kids.com
Looking forward to “seeing you” there
Roseanne
Solving Teething Problems
Can we stop the bullying?
In his recent ABC news opinion column, “Want to Stop Bullies?” Lee Dye cites new studies that claim that:
- Girls are more likely than boys to intervene to stop bullying than boys are.
- Girls intervene more because they’re expected to by their parents, best friends and favorite teachers.
- Popular males are more likely to pick on weaker boys, while unpopular, weaker but aggressive boys are more likely to pick on girls.
Of course. So what? I’m glad Mr. Dye is speaking out and I share his desire to stop bullies and harassment, bullying and abuse in schools. The reason I’m sarcastic is that I think these studies, done by interviewing 269 middle school students in four schools in North Central Florida, are typical of the thought process and pseudo-scientific research that says that:
- If we knew more we could design better programs to stop bullies.
- There’s a simple formula, waiting to be discovered by further research that will tell us what to do so anyone, anywhere could use the blueprint and stop bullying in schools
- We can’t have successful anti-bullying programs until we have more research.
However, these assumptions are all false and this research adds nothing we didn’t already know. And the generalizations they’ve already come up with are contradicted by evidence from the recent suicide deaths of four girls in Schenectady, New York.
We already know that getting the kids involved in anti-bullying programs is critical. We already know that it’s crucial to teach children what to do when they are bystanders and see bullying. In order to incorporate that knowledge into anti-bullying programs, we don’t need to wait until there’s more pseudo-science research to prove that point.
In summary, we know that it’s everyone’s job to stop bullying in schools and everyone’s help is necessary, especially the kids. No one group can make a program work if the other members of the local community resist or are uncaring. The programs in New Hampshire are only the latest reports documenting what we know already.
Successful programs have the seven elements crucial to success:
- The programs specify acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
- Children are taught specifically what to do if they’re bullied or if they’re bystanders.
- The programs involve everyone – school board members, police, principals, teachers, administrative staff and bus drivers, the kids, and at least a vocal, core group of parents.
- Consequences are clear and effective action rapid.
- Courageous and proactive administrators, school principals and teachers.
- Kids are also trained at home not to bully and how to stop bullies.
- All steps are implemented simultaneously.
Anti-bullying laws are necessary to force reluctant or uncaring district administrators and principals to act. They’re also necessary to protect principals and teachers who do act from bullying parents who defend their little terrorists and threaten to sue the principal and school for harassing their little bully. That’s like in the Harry Potter series where Lucius Malfoy protects his vicious son, Draco.
The biggest problem in stopping bullies is not the lack of research about bullying: It’s the lack of skillful effort being put forth by the most caring people. At many schools, well-meaning principals and teachers need to join forces with a core group of parents to get programs in motion. At other schools, frustrated and angry parents need to rally other parents in order to force uncaring or cowardly school district administrators and principals to make effective school policies and then take act promptly and strongly.
Resources Cited: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/DyeHard/Story?id=7517300&page=1
Ben Leichtling, Ph.D. is author of the books and CDs “How to Stop Bullies in Their Tracks,” “Parenting Bully-Proof Kids” and “Eliminate the High cost of Low Attitudes.” He is available for coaching, consulting and speaking. To find practical, real-world tactics to stop bullies and bullying at home, school, work and in relationships, see his web site and blog http://www.BulliesBeGoneBlog.com
How to give your baby pain relievers
Teaching kid to wait
We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.
When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.
For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.
Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.
We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.
As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com and freelance writer. She maintains her own personal blog at http://emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com as well as one on traditions at http://alastingfoundation.blogspot.com
You can contact Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com
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Proactive Parenting Director On MomTV January 5 2011 | BrainFoggles
The Proactive Parenting Director, Sharon Silver and Abbey Fatica from Living My MoMent will be live on MomTV January 5th, 2011 at 9 PM EST. Take the time to mark your calendars now to tune into Start Reacting Start Responding.
She born with it – let her keep it
Teens have changing bodies, and a lot of pressure to look and be a certain someone. This can be both good and bad, however, in many instances it can take a toll on their personal self image. Teens often have warped body images. The following are some tips for encouraging a healthy body image:
Help them create their own style: In many instances your teen is going to have an unhealthy body image because they see clothes that someone skinnier, or more curvy, or more buff, or taller can wear, and they do not look the same in them. So, help your child love their body by finding clothing and a style that works for them. They are never going to have a positive self image if they are trying to look good in clothes that do not flatter their body.
Do not let them debase themselves: One of the best things you can do for your teen when it comes to their body image is never allow them to put themselves down in your presence. Set firm rules about it. If you hear your teen say they are fat, or that they have ugly freckles, or that they are plain, or that their hair is too stringy, or that their legs are too hairy, or whatever they complain about, stop them dead in their tracks. Anytime you hear your teen say something they do not like about their body, make them tell you five things that they do. They have to know that complaining about their body, and hating themselves is not okay with you. Be strict about it, and be sure to tell them things that you love about them any time you hear them complain.
Talk about what appearance means: When your child is struggling with their body image, it is important to talk to them about what appearance and body image means. Help them to understand that images are different to different people. What one person likes, another may not. Just like you may be more attracted to blondes, than brunettes. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder, so your child needs to stop trying to make themselves look better for others, and simply make their body what will please them. Once your child understand this, body image, and having a more positive feeling about their own body will be easier.
Be a positive role model: If you want your teen to have a positive, healthy, body image, your best means of encouragement is to have one yourself. If your teen constantly hears you talk about dieting, and remaking yourself, wanting a better stomach, or whiter teeth, or whatever it may be, they will start feeling the same way. They will find that no matter what they look like, or how great their body is, it is not good enough. So, be careful to be positive about your own body, and never put yourself down in front of them, or it will give them permission to do the same about their own body. So, encourage a healthy body image through example. If you do not have a healthy body image, then fake it in front of your child.
For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com
Use the blue bulb from the hospital to clear babies nose
Why teach your kids to be patient?
We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.
When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.
For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.
Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.
We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.
As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com and freelance writer. She maintains her own personal blog at http://emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com as well as one on traditions at http://alastingfoundation.blogspot.com
You can contact Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com
Two Parenting Mistakes With Fearful Children
I agree with you can maintain this and I’m going to patiently walk beside you as you resolve this downside on your own strength.
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Dealing with television violence
Television is so much a part of our lives we need to be concerned about its effect on our children. The problem is that violence in verbal and physical form appears on screen daily.
Do you know that there are
a) 6 violent acts per hour on prime time television
b) 6 violent acts per hour on children’s programs
c) 50,000 TV commercials exposed to children per year?
Studies show that violence in media does have an impact on children and adolescent behavior. Daily viewing of television in childhood can lead to behavior and social problems.
What can you as parents do about this situation?
1. Monitor very closely what your children watch on TV. Even cartoons like Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers are filled with violent acts.
2. If possible, watch TV with your children and talk with them about what they have seen. Young children are often unable to separate reality from TV shows. Have a discussion with your child about what is real or not real on TV.
3. Encourage your children to look at ways TV characters handle problems. How do they resolve disagreements or issues? Do they use violence or verbal abuse? Are there different solutions other than violence?
4. If your older children have watched a PG rated movie with episodes of violence, ask them if the show or film would still be intact without the violent episodes. Does the violence enhance or detract from the film? This is one way you can help your children become savvy consumers of media.
5. Cartoons often have episodes of violence. We need to ensure that children are aware that there is a huge gulf between what happens in cartoons and what happens in real life. Help your children understand that risky actions (like jumping from a roof) would produce painful and dangerous consequences in real life. Watch your children’s reaction after watching certain cartoons. If they start acting out, that is a strong indication that those shows should be off limits until they are able to discern the difference between cartoon characters and real life.
6. Turn of the TV. Allow your children once in a while to watch approved movies without commercials or violence. The media beast can be tamed if we make television an occasional treat. There are plenty of alternatives available. How about creative play with puppets? Children can make their own shows with puppets and props. Reasonably priced and sturdy camcorders are also available for children to record their own shows.
Positive communication with our children can help them negotiate their way through a media world that is becoming treacherous and slippery.
Bianca Tora is a writer interested in the relationship between lifestyle and the brain, specifically the area of emotional regulation and control. She has published a book on anger management for children. Visit her at http://www.help-your-child-with-anger.com
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Gang moms and dads sent to parenting classes LOS ANGELES (AP) â?? Moms and dads in Los Angeles County are being sent to mandatory parenting classes.
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15 minute bedtimes
Parents are always concerned with how to balance their role as parent and effectively raise happy, healthy, and respectful children. It can especially be challenging for a parent to know what to do and how to do it when your child has behavioral difficulties and he or she refuses to go to bed.
Although it is common for children to need about at least a 15 minute transition to get fully settled and ready for bed, some children take this time to act out and put unrealistic demands on his or her parents. He or she becomes “tyrant” like and needs 12 bedtime stories, 252 kisses, and he or she still will not let you leave the room.
Here are 3 strategies to handle bed time routines when you child takes more than 15-20 minutes to settle down and go to sleep.
The first one is to make sure that you give your child at least a 10 minute warning before going to bed. It is helpful to use the TV as a natural ending time. You can even let your children know ahead of time by saying “after this show it is bed-time”.
Second, after the show is over make sure you do not allow them chances to “get out” of going right away. Things like “I’m hungry, and I’m thirsty, or I have to go to the bathroom for a third time” can be legitimate request. However, it is best that the child doesn’t eat or drink anything at least 30-40 minutes before bed.
Finally, if you child insist on reading a story allow them to pick one or two stories. The total reading time for a child should be between 10-15 minutes. Longer reading times than that can cause power struggles and especially when they are afraid will be used as “ammunition” to keep you there.
In conclusion, also remember that your child tends to do what works. So the simplest way to change his or her difficult behavior during bed time is to not make his or her strategy work anymore.
Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child’s out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?
To Download and listen to my FREE audio recordings visit: http://www.theinhomeparentcoach.com
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Jason Johnson (MSW) has spent many years working with hundreds of challenging toddlers through teenagers diagnosed with A.D.H.D, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Aspergers Syndrome, and Bi-polar.
He has worked with children and their families in hospitals, mental health facilities, and he continues to go into client’s homes until this very day. Jason works with boys and girls (ages 2-19) with SEVERE emotional/behavioral issue from various ethnic backgrounds, races, and religions.
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Patience – our kids need it
We live in a “need it now” society. Commercials tell us that we deserve things and that we owe it to ourselves to give ourselves things. They urge us to get the latest-the greatest- and the most desired objects. How could our lives be complete without them? We have fast food, 24 hr pharmacies, no credit for however long (if you buy now), cell phones where you can get in touch with someone anytime, anywhere, and the Internet – so you never have to wait to get the information you need.
When you live with this kind of mentality and in this kind of society, it’s easy to see why we learn to live a lifestyle that is impatient. We don’t really know how to deny ourselves things, for the most part.
For those of us who keep one foot in the “slower-days-of-simpler-living” kind of lifestyle while keeping the other foot in pace with the trends of today, it can be both a struggle and a blessing to know the differences of these two worlds. While struggling against getting caught up in the busy, fast-paced, stressful way of living, it is a blessing to be able to tap into that part of yourself that knows how to work hard for something, and to be patient while waiting for your dreams and goals to be realized. It’s an internal payoff and reward that a “get-it-now” mentality can’t touch.
Children who have learned how to be patient and to wait for things in their lives tend to be happier and more content because they know the worth in receiving those blessings. They don’t just take them for granted or expect them. They also tend to be more generous because they have developed a compassionate and empathetic heart just by going through the process of being denied things immediately in their life. They don’t feel empty inside because there is a sense of worth being built into who they are.
We can get into the rut of wanting to give our children the whole world. Yet the whole world isn’t really what they need. They need to learn valuable lessons and the rich rewards that come with working hard for something. They need to learn to wait. We will help mold some individuals who feel complete and who have “substance” to them, if we can simply teach them at times, that waiting is necessary in life.
As a parent, I think it’s very important to pass this lesson on to your children. Teach them the value in waiting and in wanting. It is one of the best things you could ever do for them. Some day, they will thank you for it.
Dionna Sanchez is the Founder of EmphasisOnMoms.com and freelance writer. She maintains her own personal blog at http://emphasisonmoms.blogspot.com as well as one on traditions at http://alastingfoundation.blogspot.com
You can contact Dionna at madetomom@yahoo.com
Parenting on the View
The first 5 years
Providing the child the most optimal environment for developing his foundation for life can be a daunting period. You will not succeed. You will face obstacles seemingly out of your control, violence on TV as well as overwhelming propaganda, the limiting factor of the school system, the child and their piers and your short comings just to name a few.
One thing for sure is the best thing you can equip the child with for living life is for them to get that the measurement of success in life is in the amount of joy experienced. That is the condition the parents can influence their family to pursue. This is the greatest gift that can be instilled in children by any adult.
It is critical in my view that children have the self confidence that is strong enough to overcome the oftentimes brutal effects the institution of forced schooling can have on the child. The range of quality schools varies tremendously and generally speaking there are but a few that are enlightened enough to provide the kind of environment we are discussing here. Compulsitory schooling by nature is limiting not expansive. If a child leaves school with a sense of himself displaying all the confidence and enthusiasm for a satisfying and fulfilling life, the experience was worthwhile. This article isn’t about schools however; it is about providing some insight into the necessity of putting and keeping in place for the first five years of a child life the primary conditions for successful living.
You can not hide your child from all the elements of life that will be encountered, because that is part of life. Surprise will always be there. But you can assist a child in understanding the principles that can enable them to face any experience in a way that leaves them stronger in their sense of who they are, not less. You will make mistakes no matter what you do. And the advice you would give your child when they make a mistake in life will be by the way you handle the mistakes you make with them. For they learn by example. Children learn how ‘be’ by their observation of how others are being, especially their parents. How you ‘be’ matters more than you know.
Remember this, the body is a multi-sensory organism, and even as an infant, it is interpreting of over 400 billion pieces of data per second. That is difficult to comprehend. Based on the conclusions it has made to date, its beliefs and assumptions about life, the brain then is processing one hundred thousand chemicals sending them to the cells of the body. The point is you are incapable of fooling the child in terms of what it is reading in your behavior around them. If you are being inauthentic they will know. Even if they are not capable of reading you intellectually, they will read you emotionally. If the child learns that seeking happiness is the greatest pursuit, they will have learned it because they observed that you lived your life that way.
Okay, here is the good news. If our aim is to be joyful in life, we will have taught our children the most important and fundamental purpose of life. The natural unfolding will be the continuing discovery of what works to have a great life. The child and parent will discover along the way, everything that is necessary to live a life that allows all their dreams to come to pass. Happiness and joy is a state or condition in which freedom, no resistance, and love reign. It obeys the law of attraction as an absolute. It abides by the teaching, ‘do unto others as you would have them to undo you’, but never at the expense of your own happiness in life.
Long before I had my children I remember saying I wasn’t going to raise my mine the way I was raised. Matter of fact I’ve heard quite a few parents utter those words. Age has made me wiser. And for the most part I didn’t, but that didn’t mean that the influence of my own childhood didn’t somehow shape the father I became. No matter how your childhood was for you, it affords you the insight on how you’ll choose to be when you embark on the adventure of parenthood. And of course if you are about to or if you are already raising your children, this is only the beginning. It can and should be the most enjoyable ‘adventure’ of your life. It is kind of an adventure in that you only get to enjoy it as it unfolds. The best advice I could give parents in raising their children is to bring joy to every moment that you possibly can. It is in joy that the child creates the most optimal foundation of self love. Those first five years are so critical, it’s immeasurable.
Of course every year thereafter is critical as well but the child is the deliberate creator of his or her own story. And doing their next five years having become familiar with previous will be of great assistance. A low self esteem plays a difficult burden on the years in front of anyone. If you can be the best parent you can for the first 5 years, no doubt you will have trained yourself long enough to continue being that way. You are only teaching yourself really.
Just another note in this vast topic the most brilliant awareness information I have found for parenting is in the study of the law of attraction. Affirm the best in your child every time you can and find the best interpretations for the rest. Never emphasize apparent fault but look for aspects that work.
If you understand about the power of directing your emotions in a particular kind of way, I invite you to visit and learn about the iCap.
http://www.insightsforworkability.com
Biofeedback has advanced beyond our imagination. You can discover and manage your emotions such as to seek and discover more joy and happiness than you can imagine. And because of the personal computer, the cost is affordable and the advances have been remarkably pleasing.
Stop by when you can.
Leon Cautillo, Author/Instructor
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